Letter to My Pets:

Mommy thinks she may have posted this before but just in case she hasn't here it is again and her says it's all true especially the parts about hers going to the bathroom by herself. Me and Miss Pitty Pat usually go with her just in case her needs our help.

Murphy

Letter to My Pets:

When I say to move, it means to go someplace else, not to switch positionswith each other so there are still two of you in my way.

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. All otherdishes are mine and contain my food. Please note that placing your paw printin the middle of MY plate and food does not stake a claim making it YOURplate and food.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating meto the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help in your quest toreach the bottom first, because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry aboutthis. Do not think that I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure yourcomfort.

Dogs and cats actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is notnecessary to sleep perpendicular to one another, stretched out to thefullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out andhaving tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by somemiracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is notnecessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw underthe edge of the door and try to pull it open. I must exit through the samedoor I entered Honest.

Also, I have been using the bathroom by myself for quite some time --canineor feline attendance is not mandatory.

I can't stress this one enough -- kiss me, THEN go smell the otherdog's/cat's behind. To pacify you, my dear companions, I have posted the following notice on ourfront door:

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and then Complain about Our Pets

1. The pets live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.(That's why it's called "fur"niture.)
3. To you, our pets are just animals. To us, they are an adoptedson/daughter who happens to be hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speakclearly.
4. Dogs and cats are better than kids because: - they don't ask for moneyall the time - they are easier to train - they usually come when called -they don't hang out with drug-using friends - they don't need a gazilliondollars for a college education, and - if they get pregnant, you can sellthe children.